PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA - All eyes were focused on Hillary Clinton Thursday night, as the nation was waiting to hear her give her acceptance speech for the Democratic Party's nomination for President of the United States. It was an historic night, with Hillary being the first woman of a major political party to receive the nomination.

Her daughter Chelsea introduced her as an honest, loving, caring, miracle working Methodist who would fight for everyone everywhere: especially criminals, illegal aliens, thugs that were justly killed by police- pretty much any law breaking citizen, or non-citizen, she added.

Hillary finally arrived at the podium to thunderous applause. She was basking in the glory. Then something happened that nobody expected.

"I am here to let everyone know, that everything I am accused of I did. I lied to all of you. I lied to congress, I lied to the surviving families of the victims of Benghazi - I confess, I did it all", Hillary Clinton proudly declared. "I made sure the party would stop Bernie Sanders -Hi Bernie!", she said as she waived to him as he sat in the nose bleed section at the convention. "I am proud of who I am and what I have done. I would not have done anything differently. Also, I am a woman, and its about time we had a woman in the white house!"

The crowd cheered! They apparently didn't seem to care that their nominee has no character, has no moral compass, and has no conscience, and that she is okay with murdering children in the womb while saying God bless America.

"She is a woman", said one of the delegates. "This is why I am voting for her. It is about time that we break the glass ceiling. Imagine, what is beyond that ceiling?"

The Holy Wit spoke with many of the delegates and found that nobody cared if Hillary did what was morally right or not, if she lied or not. They apparently could care less.

Most said, they just like having their ears tickled. They like being told they are victims, they like the idea of robbing from the rich and giving to the poor, they like being promised free healthcare, free child care, free college - free everything!

Most of all, they like being told they are not responsible for their actions and choices. "This really helps soothe my conscience," said LGBTQ member Tom, who has now decided to be a woman, and goes by the name Betsy Stones. "It is really good to know that I am not the problem, it really has been everyone else this whole time. Thanks Hillary for believing in me", this person said as tears rolled down.

Hillary Clinton said she would promise to continue promising things and that she plans to deliver on her promise to continue promising things in here first 100 days in office. Then when those promises don't come to pass, she will blame everybody else, but herself, she promised.