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Millennials Being Aborted Since They Too Can’t Survive On Their Own Outside of the Womb

CALIFORNIA – Millennials are now being aborted since they fail to meet the definition of what is considered human life and personhood, by not being able to survive on their own outside of their mother’s womb.

CALIFORNIA – Millennials are now being aborted since they fail to meet the definition of what is considered human life and personhood, by not being able to survive on their own outside of their mother’s womb.

Known for being progressive, the state of California has passed a new abortion law, that defines where life begins, and what can be considered a human being, a person. And whatsoever does not meet the definition can be legally aborted.

The law states:

WE RECOGNIZE THAT LIFE BEGINS AT THE MOMENT IT CAN SURVIVE ON IT’S OWN OUTSIDE OF IT’S MOTHER’S WOMB WITHOUT ANY ASSISTANCE FROM ANYONE.

The language of this new law has caused great concern for millennials, who have no idea on how to survive in the real world without assistance from mom and dad.

Since the new law has been enacted, many angry parents, who are still providing for millennials well into their twenties and thirties, have been dragging their "bundles of cells and tissue" to the local Planned Parenthood, where they are being aborted."

Naturally, Millennials have protested this law and have taken to the streets as their custom is. "You can’t do this! This is Murder!", one millennial said. "You have no right to kill me because you don’t consider me a human being. One day, I will grow up, and get a decent job, and live on my own – as long as I get paid a minimum wage of $30 and the corporate machine bows to my commands."

The millennial looked worried, and recited the words of her people, "I promise I will look for a job next week."

Parents of millennials begged to differ. "I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it! My pocketbook, my choice!"

Proponents of the new law are angry because some anti-abortionists are posting pictures of millennials on social media, trying to humanize them. "They are not people!", Sarah said. "We all know it. They are leeches and a drain on society and our tax dollars. The world is overpopulated as it is. They can’t survive on their own, therefore as the law says, they are not human."

Sarah continued, "Millennials keep saying they have basic human rights like the rest of us do. But they are not human like us, and are not entitled to the same protection under law."

Millennials are now fearing for their lives. The "safe places" on college campuses are no longer safe. They realize they do not meet the definition for what can be considered a human being, seeing they cannot survive on their own outside of the womb.

UPDATE: The state of California is seeking federal funding to help give parents safe and affordable means of aborting their millennials.

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Evangelism

‘Answers in Genesis’ Finds Answers Outside the Book of Genesis

KENTUCKY – Young Earth Creationist Ministry ‘Answers in Genesis’ find more answers to life’s questions outside the book of Genesis.

If you visit the ‘Answers’ page on their website, you will find scores and scores of articles with answers to questions – but those answers come most of the time outside the book of Genesis.

We reached out to Ken Ham for a comment, “Even though our ministry is called ‘Answers in Genesis’, most of our answers come from other places other than the book of Genesis.” Ken continued, “This is pretty funny when you think about it, but not as funny as believing in evolution or the gap theory or disagreeing with my reading of Genesis.”

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Ministry

Woman Awake and Lively During Worship, Falls Asleep During Sermon

SAINT AUGUSTINE, FL – Woman who was singing and praising God during the worship band’s performance moments later suddenly falls asleep five minutes into the Pastor’s sermon.

While visiting a local Southern Baptist Church, the youth worship band was leading in the normal worship service – so it was very lively. My family and I sat in the second row from the front next to a woman. She was all into the worship experience, hands raised, arms stretched out and all. You would think she got a good nights sleep before. Then suddenly, when the rock-n-roll concert ended, and the pastor stepped onto the stage to preach a sermon, the woman pulled her sweatshirt up towards her face, closed her eyes, and within minutes started snoring.

She slept through the whole sermon. Granted, the auditorium was dimly light with all lights focused on the man of God, but still, she fell asleep. But it looks like only me and my wife noticed.

As soon as the sermon was over, the drums started and an altar call was issued, and the woman woke up.

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Ministry

Hymn Number 666 Never Sung in Church

Church refuses to sing hymn number 666.

Earth – A recent study by Pew Research confirmed that no church on earth sings Hymn number 666.

"I am not superstitious, but I’m a little ‘stitious", one church member said. "I don’t think it’s right to sing that in church", said another.

Publishers are considering removing the hymn with the number 666, so the song won’t be ignored anymore. "We can just skip 666 altogether, just like we do in the NIV Bible with verses we removed – no one seems to notice", a Zondervan spokesman said.

Other Christians are bragging that their hymnal doesn’t even have over 666 songs in it, so it’s not an issue for them.

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